Beth Osmer

The Secret about Secrets

Moving forward

What is a secret?

We all have secrets. A secret is something that you intend to hide, either from one or many different people. On average, everyone keeps about 13 secrets every day. Out of those only eight have been shared. Whether it’s an embarrassing story from your childhood, a racy incident in your college years or a confession that a friend confided in you, the secrets you keep will begin to weigh on you and impact your health. The most common type of secrets that people hold are related to sexual desire or behavior, but a secret could be as simple as omitting a part of a story or changing a small detail. Even the hardest kinds of secrets to tell are necessary to share to keep a good mental state.

Can secrets alter my mental state?

Covering up or hiding something in your life can lead to many different questions that can put stress in your life and alter your mental state. Do you ever find yourself asking questions such as:

  • Would my friends or family still love me if they knew my secrets?
  • What would happen if someone found out what I’m hiding?
  • Does anyone in my life really know me?

Secrets can have immense power your life. Research has shown that it is better for us to confess our secrets and avoid being a part of someone else’s. When you keep secrets, you are putting your mind in an uncomfortable or awkward state. The part of our brain that is compromised under the pressure of secrets is crucial to our emotional responses and will keep us from some of the most important functions. This includes our ability to learn and connect with others. When you hold onto a secret, your brain will begin to circulate all the potential negative outcomes if that secret was to be exposed. Most of the time, we will produce more negative thoughts or emotions than what would happen if we were to just share the truth. If we are not careful concealing things in our life will cause users to lose inner peace and fall into a long-term negative mentality.

What do you do next?

Keeping secrets is a lonely experience. If you choose to keep them, you will drift further and further away from those closest to you and lose sight of who you are. Even when you are not actively talking about the topic of your secret, you are forced to carry the burden of your secret as if it was a physical weight. If you resonate with this, what do you do? It may be easier said than done but ultimately you need to share the things that you are hiding. The positive outcomes from sharing even the toughest secrets are endless. You will feel freedom and peace that will finally allow you to move forward from the things that have been holding you back. There is no better feeling than being fully known and fully loved by those in your life.

How can you change negative self-beliefs?

Our personal beliefs are learned and formed over a long period of time, making them hard to change. Start by accepting feelings. Don’t judge what you think or feel, and don’t ignore them. Be honest about where you are at and just feel. This acceptance hurts, but ultimately it is an acceptance that brings peace. You will not be able to release negativity that you are holding onto without first recognizing and accepting it. Then start replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones. Instead of, “I can’t handle this,” adjust to “I didn’t see this coming, but I can work through it,” or “I have the support I need to help me get through this.” These thoughts are both positive and true. Developing new beliefs and ways of thinking will require some extra effort at first, but will make you a stronger, confident person.

Who should I talk to?

This doesn’t mean that you need to share with everyone. Even more, you shouldn’t share with everyone. Share with:

  • A couple of close friends
  • Family members
  • Your spouse
  • A support group
  • A therapist

Bringing people into the journey with you will give you a higher quality of life and help you to grow into a better version of yourself. This is a simple step that can dramatically change your life.

If you are overwhelmed because of the secrets weighing on you, I would love to help you learn to let go and heal. You will be amazed at how quickly your life can change. Schedule your complimentary 30-minute phone consultation today!